Overview
For nearly a decade, I have been delving into the complexities of trust. By exploring various psychological theories, I've gained insights into the nuances of 'anxiety' and 'comfort' in true trust. I've experienced the depth of inner diversity, and I firmly believe in applying these insights to business and leadership. I've always felt that external business environments mirror our inner psychological landscapes.
For me, psychological safety means being able to 'coexist with anxiety.' All it takes is to 'accept' that state. This acceptance reduces my inner conflicts and leads to consensus from my multiple values.
What is Psychological Safety
The term 'psychological safety' was coined by the psychologist and psychotherapist Carl Rogers in the 1950s in the context of establishing the conditions necessary to foster an individual's creativity. According to Rogers, psychological safety is associated with three processes:Reference:【Psychological safety - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_safety
- accepting the individual as of unconditional worth;
- providing a climate in which external evaluation is absent;
- and understanding empathically.
Background:
In 2014, during a one-on-one session, when I tried to understand how they thought about work through a series of questions, I realized that even though we believed we were speaking the same language, our definitions... I was surprised that they didn't match perfectly.
Terms like "sense of security," "trust," and "confidence" are often deemed universal, taken for granted. Yet, as our conversation progressed, I noticed the danger in assuming we both stood on the same foundational understanding. How does one articulate the difference between "expecting" something as a desire and truly "trusting"? Are "sense of security" and "anxiety" on the same spectrum? And where do we draw the line between a fleeting "mood" and a deeply rooted "emotion"?
This article chronicles the insights I've gathered over a 10-year journey striving to understand the intricate mechanisms of trust, especially concerning 'anxiety' and 'comfort.' Much like embarking on 'software development of the mind' or "hacking trust," I realized the need to decode how trust is formed and nurtured by grasping the nuances of 'anxiety' and 'comfort'—all for the ultimate goal of achieving genuine trust.
Developing Trust and Assurance:
Desperate to truly understand and articulate "genuine trust" and "true sense of security," I delved into the vast world of psychology. Using classic texts as my guiding light, I began to illuminate the shadowy corners of the human experience we all share.
In developing 'trust', I aimed for something more reproducible, also considering the 'development of trust-building methodologies'. It felt as if I was reimplementing the "standard library of humanity", confronting the words we've always taken for granted.
Empathy is not irresponsibly sympathizing from a safe distance but is more like being drawn into someone's Pandora's box, to a degree I wanted to describe as resonance. Against my will, I found myself dominated by feelings of fear, sadness, and anger.
To genuinely accept oneself or another as 'possessing unconditional worth' means, for me, to abandon all efforts and hopes of avoiding an 'unfavorable future'. I feared that this could lead to mental demise, family dispersion, social ostracization, economic downfall, or other severe repercussions.
At that moment, as I recognized the path before me leading to my desired destination, I was enveloped in despair, contemplating the repercussions of such a choice. It felt as if I was standing at the gates of a silent and bone-chilling hell, staring into its desolate abyss, slowly realizing the gravity of the task I had undertaken. If I were to illustrate this with a visual analogy, It was like the YouTube video linked in this article.
Subsequently, I indeed lost what I once held dear, my former naive self.
Intellectual Wanderings:
- Freud: To utilize countertransference, a metacognitive checklist is essential. Initially, I recognized it through tactile sense. I can faintly feel another self at the center of my body, but its presence is clear. Recognizing it changes the boundary between consciousness and the unconscious.
- Jung: Night dreams carry seemingly meaningless tales, while daydreams bear the weight of sorrow. As I began to understand why myths persisted and why they are scientifically irrational, within the vessel inherited from ancestors, I sensed the shadows passed down—a feeling as if there's a reptilian me.
- Klein: Growth is a cycle of separation and merging. From when we separated as parts of our father and mother, becoming distinct from our opposite gender self, repeating the division and unification in the duality of value, it propels us through the intricate dance of life.
- Winnicott: Places where one feels "held and wrapped" are refueling stations for psychological resources. They round and soften the scattered sharp entities. Beyond that, they make us recognize even the rudimentary elements not yet shaped, prompting us to reconsider the very definition of "wisdom."
- Personality Disorders: Recognizing one's true self can sometimes be as challenging as trying to rotate one's eyes by 180 degrees. And the diagnostic criteria of the American Psychiatric Association proceed simply, one perspective at a time.
- Seligman: The similarity between projection and engagement stabilizes the compass through inner peace and connection of the heart.
- Riso: Our psyche dances through nine stages of states. Understanding that the current mysterious phenomena signify that psychological defenses have reached their limits was enlightening.
- Polyvagal Theory: In the symphony of the biological origins of emotion and trust, our very existence narrates the story of guarded safety and exposed vulnerability. It signifies that every part of our body is a vessel for the mind.
Reference:【Psychoanalysis - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoanalysis
Reference:【Analytical psychology - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analytical_psychology
Reference:【Donald Winnicott - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Winnicott
Reference:【Personality disorder - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder
Reference:【Martin Seligman - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman
Reference:【Polyvagal theory - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyvagal_theory
Acceptance: The True Closure Beyond Thought
pointing to emotions in one's mind
I started by simply pointing to my own emotions. I used Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions as a reference.
Related Articles:【Practicing Emotional Metacognition】
Deep Acceptance: Beyond Surface Consciousness
Accepting myself was not merely an act I perceived at the conscious level. To truly understand the depth of my acceptance, I had to acknowledge what transpired beyond my immediate consciousness. Reflecting on my dreams, introspecting through meditation, and identifying emotions I felt during interactions with others became my methods of acceptance.
Related Articles:【About Acceptance: Discussion & Guide】
Decoding Dreams: My Personal Method of Introspection
My journey has never been linear. On the night before writing this article, a slightly different dream visited me. A 65-year-old man, lacking adequate wisdom, passed a blank will to a young person and then passed away. This enigmatic dream was inexplicable to me. Kübler-Ross's teachings focus on the stages of grief associated with death. Yet, I began to feel that these stages relate to every "ending" in life. The profound interactions and lessons within dreams possess a depth that cannot be grasped by intellect alone. Reflecting on this dream, I introspected and felt that a bright and positive image of life might sometimes distance us from the path of wisdom. Its veracity doesn't matter. I accept it, let it conclude, and welcome the next chapter.
Comfort: After the Unpleasant Self Emerges
After a significant period of introspection, my understanding of self-actualization has become clearer.
”Self-actualization was coined by the organismic theorist Kurt Goldstein for the motive to realize one's full potential: "the tendency to actualize itself as fully as possible is the basic drive ... the drive of self-actualization." Carl Rogers similarly wrote of "the curative force in psychotherapy – man's tendency to actualize himself, to become his potentialities ... to express and activate all the capacities of the organism."”
Reference:【Self-actualization - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization
”In the development of the self-concept, he saw conditional and unconditional positive regard as key. Those raised in an environment of unconditional positive regard have the opportunity to fully actualize themselves. Those raised in an environment of conditional positive regard feel worthy only if they match conditions (what Rogers describes as conditions of worth) that others have laid down for them."
Reference:【Carl Rogers - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Rogers
Having personally journeyed through these theories, I've gleaned insights into the nature of a "psychologically safe" state and its direct implications on my performance. When there is a disconnect between the ideal state and the current reality, one encounters anxiety. Accepting one's negative emotions and judgments as intrinsic facets of their reality signifies the onset of the "acceptance" process. In these moments, inclusive of one's follies, naiveties, and previously avoided vulnerabilities and fears, the true self emerges, presenting an unexpectedly fully realized version of oneself that one might not have wished for. After experiencing emotions such as anger, sadness, and other feelings one might wish to avoid, there comes a state of resignation. For me, this state of surrender is a sense of "relief" that enables optimal performance.
Reference:【Acceptance - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance
Embracing Without Fear: The Uncertainties of Self and Other, and the Secrets to Performance
- The Authenticity of Emotions: Even if things seem harmonious on the surface, there might be underlying dissenting opinions. While zealous unity can be invigorating, it also risks giving rise to exaggerated, almost dogmatic beliefs. It's crucial to remember that within the emotions we shy away from, often lie the most invaluable insights into what might be amiss.
Related Articles:【Duality of Value and Balance: My Approach】 - Self-awareness: Just as business leaders must listen to the voiceless voices from the grassroots of their organizations, understanding our deepest feelings requires the ability to hear the soft whispers of our innermost desires. I've witnessed the risks and consequences of leaders who couldn't 'manage themselves', both within me and externally.
Related Articles:【Practicing As-Is Analysis of Emotions】 - Understanding Others: Delving deep into the experiences of extreme users can yield unparalleled insights. Similarly, immersing oneself in another's emotional world leads to profound interpersonal understanding. It was through understanding others that I truly understood myself. Within others, you find the real you.
Related Articles:【About Empathy: Discussion & Guide】 - Acceptance: Through the diversity of perspectives, the duality of values on a radar chart becomes evident. Shaping that form is akin to constructing the design of a project. I realized that design is about balancing diversity and articulating values. This understanding deepened as I embraced the views of others. By accepting and integrating perspectives from individuals with diverse backgrounds and experiences, a true fusion of inclusive leadership and design becomes possible.
Related Articles:【About Acceptance: Discussion & Guide】
Related Articles:【About Project Design: Discussion & Guide】 - Boundary Recognition: Co-creation and collaboration demand empathy and deliberate effort in communication. Relying too heavily on specific relationships with stakeholders can lead to biased viewpoints. Similarly, in one's inner world, being overly attached to either idealized aspects or avoiding negative facets might narrow strategic scope and dampen adaptability.
Related Articles:【About Personal Boundaries: Discussion & Guide】
The Missing Piece in Our External Approach: Delving into Our Inner Psyche
These insights weren't just theoretical - they transformed my approach to leadership, communication, and self-awareness.
Within the complex labyrinth of the human mind, various zones echo the dynamics of the BCG Matrix. There are mature 'Cash Cows' that adapt with ease, 'Question Marks' that drain resources as they venture into unexplored territories, and vibrant areas where emotions surge and recede like 'Stars'. Without a foundational trust and recognition of these diverse parts of oneself, a breeding ground for mutual distrust can foster internally, potentially leading to a lack of self-assurance.
As wonderful as it is to have an increasing number of perspectives, it can foster internal conflicts instead of harmoniously integrating the diverse viewpoints. This might translate to a performance that is less than ideal, a scenario reminiscent of the prisoner's dilemma. It seems that phenomena we observe in societies or groups could be reflected within the individual in a fractal pattern, creating a mirror of the external within the internal landscape.
Reference:【Prisoner's dilemma - Wikipedia】 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma
As a businessperson, I've realized that without understanding and applying these psychological concepts, many aspects of human interactions remain unseen and untapped. It felt as though I had taken a telescope, flipped it to use as a microscope, and examined the intricacies within. Then, I compared what I saw when projecting this image onto the world, as if using a projector.
To every leader, manager, and aspiring changemaker: Our external business world is a reflection of our internal psychological landscapes. By delving deep into understanding both realms, we don't merely enhance our leadership prowess, but we also unlock untapped potentials within our teams and ourselves. It's an expedition worth embarking on, where the treasures of insight await those willing to take the journey.
